How to avoid being a bad parent that creates a bad adult.

Talk tiger shows WR -- good morning. The program brought you by network capital funding corporation your future finance. Joining us now is Mary -- we're -- she is a nationally known psychotherapists. Rice who talks publicly is on TV and the radio giving advice and the reason we had Dion Mary Joseph is right a situation a couple weeks a good good morning by the way thanks for being here. Not Kate thanks for having me. The a couple Lisa -- at a friend's house for a Saturday evening dinner. And the for a friend or relative was there was four year old kid and dog and the four year old wanted more candy he did they do they'd given -- some gummy bears. And he started screaming for more candy like he was possessed you know like the exorcist. This this -- overall. Horrible -- extreme. Ordering his father basically to go to the target the big bag of gummy bears numbering more in the house. And it was it was a stunning -- learned. Helpless like that everybody stopped and walked because they couldn't believe it. And he's sort of fluff did over the kid went away and then the kid came back demanding more into in the scream again. The guttural exorcist screamed and eventually the father had just run out of the house with the kid because it was so embarrassing. And nobody can believe when the stuff happens but. Parents don't seem to know how to set limits anymore there are afraid of their kids sometimes -- the kids run the house at an early age why does this happen. Well it multi -- -- -- what you're saying -- the parents are free double booking anything like he means that copyright and so what they do it these -- -- the idea they wanna be friends with their kids. I don't pay need to bring their kid into my office. So I can set the rules that you know electric it'll come in the start jumping out myself thought. And I'll look at the parent then I'll say. You know are you gonna stop and then the parent will look at me pick what you would -- off -- -- kind of like you noted that the rules and I didn't know you're paying me I want you won't touch you yet there guerrillas. Because I think what's happening is. Parents don't know how it is that probably they're all afraid of saying no in what they don't understand it it that no. That actually makes their kids loved them and we expect them well. No why -- you say that I've always that's been my theory that kids need structure and that when they're pushing boundaries they're actually testing to see if they're cared about. It's still true what's happening is weight lifting mornings -- -- linked disorders and anxiety is when there's very few boundary. We're also seeing -- -- unit will do lean more sexual acts. Because the boundaries are so blurred they don't really have boundaries within them and their own homes. They don't know how -- -- that I'll read some might help on their own bodies. So build on that date is because they don't understand you know you don't have a right to touch me that way you're you don't like how are right. Did you got to -- they they basically will take anything that person there we didn't give myself. Now how can you tell me are you -- and are now what age kids aren't. Talking about real like young like and then the eleven year old so what I'm dealing with syndicate -- ended. They're doing things got so cal looked toward sexuality -- the recent. -- because they don't understand that they greatness like what are we -- their body scans. And another body began. I'm sorry how and that all of that you say this is where you're referring to late night it -- -- -- left nine in ten who don't who don't know about touching they think this real old. Eight yeah because their parents who got their parents aren't setting good examples. You've been dealt with steady build small bodies like we don't eat it between meals. You don't get candy you're if you do get India a special treat it you'll only get it on Sunday or whatever it. You -- even telling your child. Before you go to dinner party that and we're going to dinner party and would guess so I don't want any acting now if you act out this is what's going to happen. All right so. I'm Mary Joseph we have wrote a story about. A school where. The parents are outraged because the principle is teaching in the sex education class. Fifth graders about oral and anal sex and I'm wondering if this is part of the breakdown that. Parents even if if they are trying to control the sort of up bringing their kids are having it's getting harder to actually. Do a parents job. Well it you know in and not only that I hate hearing that kind of stuff because what's happening tied it. This school are taking all prefer ineffective parenting basically this school art teaching. What they need to teach anymore they're disciplining these kids that grow up with parents who are lying to try to -- the kid by the instead of eight parents. It parent an honorable position they just like your teacher can't sit tie their -- you teach them how to put other court. You teach them about their body and their sexuality. If you'd say well I'm uncomfortable or whatever what is wrong with you would then don't beat up parent. If -- too uncomfortable they teach your child. About their body I'm from Italy. I think started hearing about sex when I was three but it would never period it would never something. Stay with that would I'll really get -- that's be so you're saying it never -- -- teach me my parents taught me my parents used. The actual example we went to -- do it we thought animal on top of each other we talked about. What happened this is helping me this is how -- you out of baby. And from -- the kid knew I wasn't what that good of freak out if they asked me something and I gave them an honest answer. Trying to marry juror -- she is a psychotherapists author. And television radio commentator on psychological issue so your saying. There's nothing wrong with the schoolteacher about oral and anal sex -- graders they're only doing now because parents are falling down on the job. Well what I'm saying is this cold -- no bit Mitt teaching their kids about sexuality and they wouldn't be. It apparently doing their job. I'm seeing kids acting out sexually when -- five years old because their parents were not able. Can start with small -- them build on them within the home. If the parents to take up parenting again -- apparently just became parents teaching sex education would not be on school curriculum. You would be happening at the home. So what was so you're talking about. The need for parents to do better -- -- one of the things we hear frequently about and here's attacks question this just came into us Mary code 617. What you're of one parent who says no. And the other parent who doesn't like to say no they're trying to be a kid's friend what do you do that and. -- actually what's interesting with that is that a parent that is this strong one except they'll get it they have each. He's the one big -- will come to and respect the most when they get older. It is a made it apparent that set the boundary and but you know you have to be -- you have to be that that child I have to know you're adding that. -- about how to -- Paris resolve the discrepancies. Have parents have different feelings about discipline and setting limits. Heidi is -- issues. Well what I encourage parents to do NIC does all the time in my practice it. Just hold bill I can eat it one -- get upset because they think you're too strict. That something that you parents should talk about on their date night. But it's not something the issue didn't act in front of the child. When the child beat that and it talked about it that you know that there's contention they're. Keep our little manipulator that don't work with good stuff. Still goal after the all star complaining to the lenient parents. That's the top parent it to draw even if they don't feel like that when they -- their own weight. But it -- at the same time there's nothing wrong with two parents having very different parenting view. In fact it good for the kid because it should learn what they can do when they're in the presence of both -- Yeah but what if one parent we have this so called talk of a caller talked about this just Jeffrey alive that. If if you have any rules set by one parent like I'm gonna punish you you can't watch TV for the next three it is. And that right the other parent won't administer that role. Well that's just being bad parents because the first thing is you would have to be a united front. For example in my own -- I -- happy. I've been disciplined there -- I'm the cycle -- that life can't bid is very new media we get two daughters. But but. Fact that I've got I think children have grown up but they're unbelievable girl he backed the option you we talk about why you didn't dip. Like he didn't agree when we were -- try to hit it I thought I understood it don't think he. He still back me up with a little and I never said any rule that I couldn't be in for a top. Go if you're setting rules that they do you expect you're paired digit. Backing up because you're the other parent that's not gonna happen you better -- you have to be there to back it up. -- -- Some sort of permanent damage being done to kids by being exposed to this stuff too young. No they ate it got most parents will think oh my -- -- -- -- my child -- my -- gonna start doing yet. That's not true -- -- who hang out premarital kid that kid who have. Any kind of sexual acting out usually hit eight symbol that something is going on in the home they're either of you. -- there's. Disengagement. Kid who grew up feeling lonely but their parents aren't watching them. We're prepared don't really hear that there are no structure. -- kids are prime candidates. For sexually acting out in fact there's that correlation between eight get engaging dad in the home and and teen pregnancy. So our kids getting better upbringing is now or a one or two generations ago. Well all for sure they're getting it's getting better that generation ago it was insane. But I think it's getting better and I what I -- is born after like 1998. For those kids are actually giving a little bit more traditional. So you're very pretty. Parents are best outrageous now in there and there are million all these things we talk about their inability to set limits for example. Well there with the parents aren't getting a little bit better -- setting boundaries but they're still a long way physically not talking a little bit better. I would say about I get ten years ago. It was so bad that every every kid I thought being raised with being raped by a friend. I hate that term when he mother white father told me we're best friends. It could spot it really drives me not it. Especially like if they -- our kids get higher up Fred you can't be your -- best friend Apollo where it never balance. You're always morning country. I wouldn't you should be I would think you're giving up something precious since that's where your pursuant. Mary Carrera he is what is Mary Joseph do you have any website someplace big people know and read the summary yourself. Yeah I Juliet -- it Mary -- -- PV dot com. Well that's pretty simple thank you for being here. -- -- a delight to talk with -- Mary Joseph repeating the Joseph is just JO marriage over. And there's so you know we have all a lot of these types of issues who want to sort through and there is the guidance from a pro. I'm surprised. She says parents. Are actually getting better you buy that it's Todd -- show 680 W.